A couple of quiet days. Feeling a bit of a long way from the front of myself, somehow. I think I'm probably preparing myself for next week, which is when I start 3 x week chemo. I have some apprehension about this.
Yesterday I did a fair amount -- had a long walk along South Street, bought materials for turbans, had a stellar Reuben sandwich. Ended up very tired. It was a lovely fall day, but I felt a lot of the time a little reserved, perhaps a little sour, even. All these carefree people out in the sun, enjoying themselves. Felt set apart. Kept reminding myself what a lovely day it was, looking for the sky and the sun on the leaves. But the enjoyment was effortful not spontaneous much of the time. Not much peace of spirit.
My latest diagnosis is that I'm currently suffering from a small bout of self pity and a slight case of dread. Nothing that actually starting the increased chemo won't solve.
Today, I had an unexpectedly delightful visit from friends. Like the best visitors, they were pleasantly quiet and relaxed, and I didn't feel I ought to be entertaining or high energy. It was just so good to sit and be. They also brought wonderful gifts (including the most insanely beautifully soft and luxurious sheet I have ever slept under -- as soon as they left I remade my bed and snuggled down and couldn't believe the silky softness of this sheet.) The brought a monstrous CD player, since entropy had reduced mine to sullen silence, and then JK fixed the sound on my computer (which I celebrated by listening to the SpongMonkeys as soon as I got up from my post-visit nap) and checked the hard disc, which has now stopped making sproing sproing noises.
And tonight my Raiki electrician came by with a fresh set of breakers for my electrical box, and worked for an hour for free, just to make sure it was all kosher.
What strikes me is that people are really amazingly sweet.Posted by maddy at October 26, 2003 06:37 PM